The North PacificBoard

Granderburg. A city known for its romance and hospitality. It is also Painisia`s bustling metropolitan capital. The Painisians seems to not bother the economic chaos that is prevailing in everybody's life. When I, the journalist, talked about the economy to some middle-aged men in the Cafe Baztraada besides the ocean promenade, they were not keen to hold a lot of concern about the economy. "Life goes on! Do I care that I will not buy a Rolex this year?, said the 58 year-old Beirn in a kind of an irritating manner.

Others will not agree with those lazy men on the cafe. Over the last years, the government has had problems with covering the vast welfare expenses. This year, Prime Minister Mordekai Efterstens had to announce to the Senate in a grief-stricken manner that the budget deficit was increasing. "Senators, I now fear that the State is now orphaning children", said Mr Efterstens, remarking about the millennial 20 year-olds who are struggling to find a job.

The economy seems to not be the only problematic issue in this general election. Some professors and academicians want the harsh political environment to come under scrutiny. "What kind of circus are we witnesses to?!", cries Dr Morbert Rozzioni.
Here in this article, we are listing the reasons why Painisian politics is starting to resemble a Salvador Dali-sketch.

The Suicide Scandal

Last week, a MP for the liberal-conservative New Moderates, Mr Derek Chavigner, lost his son to suicide. Derek Chavigner went into a horrible sorrow, and Mr Chavigner reportedly cried everyday in his office, unable to do his duty as a Deputy. His son`s funeral was held at the local church in his constituency Marc-de-Dahl in the Marcalons Province. The New Moderates halted all political activity in respect for Mr Chavigner`s personal tragedy. The grief-stricken MP wrote a tribute post in Facebook, and his party did the same. His post has received an impressing thousands of likes and reactions. Nearly all of Painisia seemed to grieve with the poor MP.

However, this did not fall in good terms with the left-wing force in Painisian politics. The leader of The Democrats of The Left, Senator Jean Lassern, has expressed dismay over Chavinger`s handling of his son`s suicide. "That capitalist servant is just exploiting his dead son`s corpse in exchange for votes and power!", he shouts. Some MPs from The Shibaist Party have expressed criticism over the whole ordeal. "Well, I wouldn't have used my own children as a political tool!", remarked the former Health Minister Mia Croix Alfredson. Many politicians, particularly from the Democrats of The Left and the PDLP, viciously attacked Mr Chavigner for allegedly using his son`s sucide as a tool to further his political career.

On the 20th April last week, Mr Derek Chavigner showed up at a session in the Congress of Deputies. He first held a tearful speech, in which he described his current sorrow and his situation. The responses were extremely shocking. Many Deputies from the Democrats of The Left and the PDLP attacked Mr Chavigner for his post at Facebook regarding his son`s suicide.

"I can see that you are already privileged, but now you want to be even more privileged at the basis of your son`s death!", "You ****, I hope your son is burning in hell!", "You hysterical ass****! It is truly shocking that the privileged Painisian elite are mating in their Gucci-beds, only to know later that their offspring take their own life in order to serve their masters!", "Hah! When Mr Chavigner has the balls to hang himself in his limousine, the New Moderates will surely exploit his dead corpse in order to retain their few seats!"

This is just a handful of the disgusting comments made by furious MPs. Many of them have received penalties for having the courage to make such outrageous statements.

Mr Derek Chavigner fainted as he heard those repulsive statements, and was sent to the hospital for treatment. Official news reports confirm that Mr Chavigner is now taking a break from all political activity. Some positive news has come now, as Mr Chavigner has received thousands of sympathy mails and messages.

The National Garfield Party

The comic strip Garfield has enjoyed an immense popularity in Painisia. It is said that over a million Painisians read a Garfield strip besides their coffee cup everyday. But some have not expressed a lot of joy that Garfield is enjoying a kind of a divine status here in Painisia. In 2017, several priests tried to start the Divine Garfield Ministeries, on the grounds that Garfield was the new Saviour of the planet. They had to enjoy the harsh criticism from several religious communities. And now, Garfield might enjoy a place in Painisian politics.

On April 19th this year, the former MP Aldo Merw (now a famous ranter on the Internet), who used to be a member of the former Ecological Civic Party during the 1980s, formed the National Garfield Party in the famous Cafe Bonger. You heard it folks, the National Garfield Party. The National Garfield Party is surprisingly not a satirical party; it is a populist party with a slight fetish for anti-establishment sentiments. The party has implemented Georgism, "National Social Credit" and direct democracy as its main tenets, but the party's other policies have now gained visibility. Many members of the newly established party have expressed controversial views, such as anti-immigration policies, cultural libertarianism and ultranationalism.

Some members have taken fringe positions. One of the most fringe members of The National Garfield Party, the New Age priest Erik Bloemmuss, has taken Garfield into the divine world. Mr Bloemmuss introduced "Esoteric Garfieldism" in his recent theory papers, in which he mixes Garfield with Eastern philosophy. He has suggested that immigrants would be deported to a "Holy Garfield Park", where they would be sacrificed for the mighty god Garfield, as a punishment for their crimes. Mr Bloemmuss also believes that Garfield`s tail is going to collide with the Universe, and that Painisia will be the landing place for a future Garfieldean invasion of the planet.

The most profound fact is that Mr Bloemmuss might be the clandestine ideologue for the party. Terms such as "National Garfieldism" is a product of his thought, according to some members. Currently, the party has gained a status as a fringe populist party by most Painisians. But the party's program has proven to be seductive to some Painisians. The anti-immigration and nationalist aspect of the program has attracted many of the Independents Front`s former voters, many of whom feel that the Independent Front has proven to be a failure during its time in the Efrien Cabinet. The mixture of nationalism and libertarianism has proven to be quite seductive to many voters. "We like that the party tries to portray itself as the real proletariat alternative to the betrayers of the Independent Front", said a new member at the Cafe Bonger. Currently, and shockingly, the party has now received 4,6% in a recent opinion poll conducted by the Telecom Politico.

There is now a chaotic market of populist anti-establishment parties in Painisia. The Bunga Bunga Party, the Independent Front and other parties are competing in the market. Currently, Painisia`s Five Star Movement (but just more crazier), despite its obvious banality, is attracting angry voters.

More will come about the political conditions........