The Eternal Misfortune of Aqualagoon is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Queen Shrub with an iron fist, and renowned for its free-roaming dinosaurs, triple-decker prams, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.182 billion Aqualagoonians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Florapolis. The average income tax rate is 99.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Aqualagoonian economy, worth a remarkable 7,471 trillion Raindrops a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Beef-Based Agriculture, Trout Farming, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 461,718 Raindrops, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom, the act of reporting blasphemy is known as 'Orthodoxxing', the military frequently holds bake sales to raise funds, and undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than expected. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Aqualagoon's national animal is the Trout, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Food.

Aqualagoon is ranked 631^st in the world and 5^th in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Most Beautiful Environments, with 6,263.6 pounds of wildlife per square mile.