The North PacificBoard

Betrayal is a hard thing to deal with. It digs into our souls and rips out our hearts, crushing up in the pits of the deepness. We are hurt by it. Our brains sometimes can not handle the true hurt of what happens to us. We are all wondering what happens to us, when we are in our deepest saddest moments of our life, when it is hard to process everything. Betrayal is something that hurts anybody, especially if that betrayal is from somebody you love and care about.

Today, me and my girlfriend, who I have been dating since my senior year of high school, with our relationship being a bit rocky, but our love true. But I learned something today. We broke up and became distant for a couple weeks, and then we got back together. But I learned out she didn't love me anymore. That I was following blindly because of my love. Now, after something happened, she told me that she wasn't interested into me or even guys by this point. I have been hurt. I have felt betrayed. But even after all of this I still love her. We are probably going to go back to friends, but even that will fall out, as she knows I still love her.

I have felt betrayed. I cried, tears rushing down my face as my nose ran. I used up half a tissue box, for I was scarred. I was trying to repair myself after all the hurt and pain in my previous years of my life. I thought I was finally going to be in a happy, stable relationship. My heart physically hurts right now. My soul has been clawed out, and marks have scarred it. My life has been utterly destroyed as I think back to the literal years of my life with her. We went on dates. We had fun together. We kissed and hugged and held hands. We were happy together. I don't know what made her not care about me nor love me anymore, but the damage has been done. I'm heavily hurt and betrayed from this. I'm still having tears drop down from my eyes as I type this. My hot tea cup has gone cold. I, just feel, so broken. Like somebody took my heart and smashed it into a million pieces. It, hurts, for all of this. It hurts. My heart physically hurts. My brain just can't handle this. I have never been so sad and depressed in my whole life. I honestly just don't feel I could wake up tomorrow, knowing my whole life has changed. She was a part of me, I was a part of her. We co-existed for so long, we seemed to not even be two separate people at times. We finished each others sentences, and sandwiches, we laughed and played. We were together and happy.

But now that I have learned about this betrayal, I just feel like, everything has fallen out. That nothing exists anymore. That I am just, a dead corpse of what I am.

I apologize in advance if I do not seem like myself for the next few days, weeks, months, maybe even years. I, just, feel so broken.

I'm not trying to pity anybody or make them feel sorry for me. I am just saying what I am feeling right now, as I lost one of the most important people in my life. We had plans of marrying. We had plans of living together. We had plans of having children. But that is just, gone now, like a stone in a river. Just, gone.

I don't know what to do right now except sit on my bed and just cry.

If anybody could help me feel better, I would appreciate it.

This is just, one of the worst days of my life. I am shaken. I am hurt. I just, don't know what to do.

Thank you for reading this if you have gotten this far. I, just, don't know anymore.