The Democratic Republic of Putzilvania is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Schmendick Johnson with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 3.144 billion Putzilvanians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Magrittemore. The average income tax rate is 95.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Putzilvanian economy, worth 422 trillion filthy-lucres a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Tourism, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 134,526 filthy-lucres, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are exhausted from weekly general elections, maximum security fish farms leave caged salmon pining for the fjords, royalist is the most offensive slur in the Putzilvanian language, and blue sky thinkers are reminded that the firmament is actually more of a grey-ish colour. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Putzilvania's national animal is the Big-Headed Crow, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Neutrality.

Putzilvania is ranked 283,956^th in the world and 6,180^th in The North Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 0.39 flags saluted per person per day.