The Commonwealth of Apatchai is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Tom Oaks with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, absence of drug laws, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 5.068 billion Apatchaians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Spirituality, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Red Stick. The average income tax rate is 51.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Apatchaian economy, worth 267 trillion pesos a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Book Publishing, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 52,803 pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Politicians tend to speak more loudly and slowly these days, the country routinely whitewashes uncomfortable parts of its history, major polluting industries have painted a lot of their machines green to give an impression of caring about the environment, and penurious citizens die from easily remedied ailments because they aren't 'taking enough initiative'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Apatchai's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Great Spirit.

Apatchai is ranked 271,427^th in the world and 3^rd in The Hub for Nicest Citizens, with 6.19 average smiles per day.