The Empire of Bistrostan is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, smutty television, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, devout population of 39.35 billion Bistrostanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Administration, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bistrostan City. The average income tax rate is 39.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Bistrostanian economy, worth an astonishing 18,234 trillion drachmas a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an amazing 463,396 drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Hospitals fear government fines more than terrorist ransoms, Violetist maidens who fall for an outsider must leave their violet light districts in shame, money that should have gone to charities is instead spent on monitoring them, and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime is totally unknown. Bistrostan's national animal is the cheetah, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Bistrostan is ranked 7,685^th in the world and 1^st in The GameFAQs Forum for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 10,221.89 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.