The Empire of Bistrostan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and notable for its otherworldly petting zoo, anti-smoking policies, and national health service. The hard-nosed, devout population of 35.513 billion Bistrostanians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bistrostan City. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Bistrostanian economy, worth an astonishing 15,082 trillion drachmas a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an amazing 424,704 drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster, a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway, drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government, and grinding bureaucracy has the international wheels of justice turning slowly. Crime is totally unknown. Bistrostan's national animal is the cheetah, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Bistrostan is ranked 177,392^nd in the world and 1^st in The GameFAQs Forum for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 12.14 on the Bus Surprisal Index.