The Empire of Bistrostan is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, frequent executions, and smutty television. The compassionate, cheerful population of 49.894 billion Bistrostanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social and economic equality; they tend to view other countries as corrupted by the hollow pageantry of sham elections.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bistrostan City. The average income tax rate is 97.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Bistrostanian economy, worth an astonishing 26,839 trillion drachmas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is a breathtaking 537,931 drachmas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government has stated an intention to min-max its stats for 'teh pwnage', busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets, saying "don't do anything that Leader wouldn't do" doesn't exclude a great deal, and roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Bistrostan's national animal is the cheetah, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Bistrostan is ranked 35^th in the world and 1^st in The GameFAQs Forum for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 24,037.91 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.