by Max Barry

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Most World Assembly Endorsements: 2,524thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 4,143rdMost Avoided: 4,492nd
The Satanic monarchy of
Iron Fist Consumerists Imperialist Pig Dog Oppressors
If you are not satisfied, react, change.
Belial Gorgo Coyote
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Cafe Hell

Population824 million

Capitalhell's light in satan's hands
LeaderBelial Gorgo Coyote

CurrencyMoney of Burning Wells of Underground
Animalevil spirit

The Satanic monarchy of Cafe Hell is a huge, efficient nation, ruled by Belial Gorgo Coyote with an iron fist, and remarkable for its enslaved workforce, smutty television, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 824 million souls sold for dollars 5 are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of hell's light in satan's hands. The average income tax rate is 31.0%.

The frighteningly efficient devil's eye economy, worth 113 trillion Monies of Burning Wells of Underground a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Retail, Information Technology, and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 138,304 Monies of Burning Wells of Underground, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.7 times as much as the poorest.

The government's new priority is citizens' access to cat videos, the nation's new foreign policy of 'very disproportionate retribution' has its neighbors on edge, Cafe Hell has become a gigantic dustbowl filled with tourists and mean desperados, and Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Cafe Hell's national animal is the evil spirit, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Cafe Hell is ranked 105,298th in the world and 3,640th in The East Pacific for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 1,215.93 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 2,524thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 4,143rdMost Avoided: 4,492ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4,969thLargest Retail Industry: 5,024thLargest Gambling Industry: 5,765thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6,300thHighest Disposable Incomes: 6,862ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 7,771stMost Influential: 7,899thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 7,972ndMost Secular: 9,703rdMost Corrupt Governments: 11,205thTop
Most Armed: 12,878thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 16,490thHighest Average Incomes: 17,147thLargest Black Market: 18,850thMost Valuable International Artwork: 19,641stMost Efficient Economies: 21,363rdLargest Mining Sector: 21,723rdLargest Information Technology Sector: 23,803rd
Most Avoided: 110th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 125th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 135th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 164th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 170th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 175th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 187th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 189th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 197th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 208th in the regionMost Armed: 321st in the regionMost Secular: 341st in the regionTop
Most Corrupt Governments: 417th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 506th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 522nd in the regionMost Influential: 529th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 537th in the regionLargest Black Market: 546th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 581st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 619th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 648th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 657th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 660th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 703rd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 707th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


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