The True Pirate of Captain John Paul Jones is a mammoth, cultured nation, renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, prohibition of alcohol, and infamous sell-swords. The compassionate, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.902 billion Captain John Paul Jonesians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Captain John Paul Jones City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 80.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain John Paul Jonesian economy, worth a remarkable 1,097 trillion Buccaneers a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Furniture Restoration, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 159,064 Buccaneers, with the richest citizens earning 6.9 times as much as the poorest.

Weird kids who eat bugs are breaking the law, internet ads promising "hot singles in your area" are even less accurate than they used to be, comedians who make offensive jokes have their ticket proceeds seized, and politicians have tenure. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Captain John Paul Jones's national animal is the Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Captain John Paul Jones is ranked 62,421^st in the world and 3,116^th in Balder for Most Cultured, scoring 69 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.