The United States of Cardmania9001 is a gargantuan, orderly nation, renowned for its keen interest in outer space, ubiquitous missile silos, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.048 billion Cardmania9001ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Defense. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 79.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Cardmania9001ian economy, worth a remarkable 2,579 trillion Monies a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Uranium Mining, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is an amazing 233,498 Monies, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 660,043 per year while the poor average 66,086, a ratio of 10.0 to 1.

Anyone who sneezes at border crossings is turned away, citizens are encouraged to show displeasure with politicians by poking them with sharp metal sticks, parents are relieved they no longer need to help with their kids' algebra homework, and national park visitors are reporting a rash of poison ivy sightings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cardmania9001's national animal is the Zebra, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cardmania9001 is ranked 246,287^th in the world and 2^nd in Der Krieg for Most Primitive, scoring -140.54 on the Scary Big Number Scale.