The Department of Haut-Rhin is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Charles Buttner with an even hand, and remarkable for its compulsory military service and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 22.728 billion Haut-Rhinoises are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Colmar. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 21.6%.

The strong Haut-Rhinois economy, worth a remarkable 1,345 trillion francs a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 59,203 francs, with the richest citizens earning 7.6 times as much as the poorest.

For 25 francs tourists can gawk at the site of national tragedy, statue-sitting has replaced the stake-out as the dullest form of police duty, phone taps are frequently carried out by the police, and invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Haut-Rhin's national animal is the sheep, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Haut-Rhin is ranked 134,040^th in the world and 32^nd in Department Store for Lowest Crime Rates, with 62.35 law-abiding acts per hour.