The Socialist Pessimists of Hellawi is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Comrade BluzMynki with an even hand, and renowned for its smutty television, irreverence towards religion, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate population of 24.205 billion Hellawi are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wherda. The average income tax rate is 68.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Hellawi economy, worth a remarkable 2,614 trillion Mynkis a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 107,999 Mynkis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

People reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight, the government is washing its hands of alleged corruption, Comrade BluzMynki's reputation is hard as nails, and libraries are replacing history books and classic novels with technical manuals and trades directories to match the nation's changing demands. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hellawi's national animal is the Aardvark, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Hellawi is ranked 2,032^nd in the world and 4^th in Hippy Haven for Safest, scoring 147.83 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.