The Church of Slongs is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The great Dong with an iron fist, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, strictly enforced bedtime, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 12.531 billion Slongsians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kongo. The average income tax rate is 87.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Slongsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,555 trillion Bags of Gold a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 124,146 Bags of Gold, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Ratings for schools' curricula range from 'Pure as the Driven Snow' to 'Late Night TV', town nameplates frequently raise giggles from passing tourists, ritual mummification is making a comeback, and religious leaders order congregants to love any neighbour who is just like themselves. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slongs's national animal is the Pet rock, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Barfighting.

Slongs is ranked 30,757^th in the world and 652^nd in The East Pacific for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 216.17 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.