The Colony of Ionsy is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by John with an even hand, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, enforced nudity, and restrictive gun laws. The democratic population of 27.485 billion Ionsyians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The large, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Environment, and Public Transport. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ion. The average income tax rate is 41.4%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but underdeveloped Ionsyian economy, worth 771 trillion Euros a year, is quite specialized and led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with major contributions from Pizza Delivery, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 28,068 Euros, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

The tiger is a protected species, Ionisation has been named as Ionsy's national religion, John has just been declared ruler of Ionsy in an international press conference, and Ionsy has designated Ion as its capital city. Crime is almost non-existent, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ionsy's national animal is the tiger, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Ionisation.

Ionsy is ranked 126,327^th in the world and 4^th in Axis of Absurdity for Most Cultured, scoring 64 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.