The District of Kettle Valley is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, renowned for its absence of drug laws and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 27.699 billion Kettle Valleyians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Healthcare, Welfare, and Industry also on the agenda, while Defense and Public Transport are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of District City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.2%.

The very strong Kettle Valleyian economy, worth a remarkable 1,270 trillion aurums a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 45,885 aurums, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 285,824 per year while the poor average 3,150, a ratio of 90.7 to 1.

Graffiti graces every city's streets, it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws, citizens can be frequently spotted going about their business stark naked, and Kettle Valley has designated District City as its capital city. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Kettle Valley's national animal is the bovina, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Kettle Valley is ranked 264,570^th in the world and 613^th in 0000 for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.71 kickbacks per hour.