The Incorporated States of New Squash is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Desmond Melon with an even hand, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, enslaved workforce, and strictly enforced bedtime. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 8.582 billion New Squashers are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonhattan. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.9%.

The frighteningly efficient New Squashian economy, worth 808 trillion Melons a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Automobile Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 94,129 Melons, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 682,998 per year while the poor average 4,089, a ratio of 167 to 1.

New Squashian farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic, insomnia is slowly turning everyone insane, patriotic parents remind their children to drink plenty of water, and businesses are abandoning the city centre because of the lack of transport connections. Crime is a serious problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. New Squash's national animal is the Melon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Melonism.

New Squash is ranked 105,775^th in the world and 8^th in Yecyma for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 3,117.08 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.