The Holy Empire of Primitivos is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Bichão seco das cavernas with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 1.021 billion Primitivos are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cavernas limpinhas. The average income tax rate is 71.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Primitivista economy, worth 124 trillion Coroa Sacras a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 121,662 Coroa Sacras, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation is known as the cheapskates of Union Brazilian, midnight pizza breaks are common among the work-from-home population, attendance of fathers at PTA meetings is at an all-time high, and euthanasia is illegal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Primitivos's national animal is the Galão de Londres, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pedra pau e fogo.

Primitivos is ranked 285,612^th in the world and 193^rd in Union Brazilian for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -7.9 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.