The Democratic Republic of San Orono is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by President Nelson with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, unlimited-speed roads, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 6.549 billion San Oronoians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Portland. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 25.6%.

The frighteningly efficient San Oronoian economy, worth a remarkable 1,357 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 207,279 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 624,640 per year while the poor average 53,624, a ratio of 11.6 to 1.

The face of President Nelson is a permanent feature of the Portland skyline, you can be fired for dyeing grey hairs, tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport, and new government leaflets tell coeliac children to eat more crisps. Crime, especially youth-related, is moderate, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. San Orono's national animal is the golden retriever, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

San Orono is ranked 283,249^th in the world and 10,591^st in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring -397.05 on the Scary Big Number Scale.