The Constitutional Monarchy of Telperinquar is a colossal, orderly nation, notable for its public floggings, compulsory military service, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-working, cynical, devout population of 4.602 billion Telperinquarians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Spirituality. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.8%.

The very strong Telperinquarian economy, worth 346 trillion Rings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Uranium Mining, and Retail. Average income is 75,245 Rings, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 233,702 per year while the poor average 18,643, a ratio of 12.5 to 1.

The government is under the thumb of countless special interests, no suburban lawn is complete without barbed wire and landmines, the government is hoping that medical aid will speak louder than human rights abuses, and voting for pro-Bigtopian candidates is voluntary. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Telperinquar's national animal is the Eagle, which can occasionally be seen dodging aircraft in the nation's cities.

Telperinquar is ranked 197,284^th in the world and 10^th in Lindon for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 933.13 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.