The Republic of Tessen is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Josiah Colton with an even hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, anti-smoking policies, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, cheerful, devout population of 41.92 billion Tessens have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Liberty. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 32.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Tessen economy, worth an astonishing 15,835 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 377,751 dollars, with the richest citizens earning 7.7 times as much as the poorest.

Disaster victims are viewed with disdain, frustrated teenage boys are told that if they like it then they should have put a ring on it, death row inmates cower in fear at the phrase "one-year anniversary", and politicians are often found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tessen's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is the Lutheran Church.

Tessen is ranked 1,284^th in the world and 1^st in American Union for Safest, scoring 157.62 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.