The Holy of The Old Swiss Confederation is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Jonas Furrer with an iron fist, and notable for its smutty television, suspicion of poets, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.093 billion Swisses are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bern. The average income tax rate is 59.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Old Swiss Confederationian economy, worth 359 trillion Zwitserse franks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 116,073 Zwitserse franks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Domestic fishermen fly the Old Swiss Confederationian flag out of fear of being blown up, libraries are refusing to stock A Midsummer Night's Dream because it has an ass in it, the army is spending millions cloning khaki-colored dinosaurs, and prisoners pray grey skies are gonna clear up. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Old Swiss Confederation's national animal is the Bernhard dog, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Roman Catholic.

The Old Swiss Confederation is ranked 63,941^st in the world and 340^th in Europeia for Most Developed, scoring 72.88 on the Human Development Index.