The Secret Empire of The Red Mafia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by the Overlord of Peace with an even hand, and notable for its smutty television, unlimited-speed roads, and anti-smoking policies. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 37.187 billion Red Mafiosis enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Welfare, and Industry also on the agenda, while Environment and Spirituality aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Old Las Vegas. The average income tax rate is 68.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Red Mafioso economy, worth a remarkable 7,258 trillion Pound Sterlings a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Automobile Manufacturing, and Gambling. Average income is an impressive 195,176 Pound Sterlings, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

School children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel, ironic death by tasering is on the rise amongst door-to-door taser salesmen, many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators, and a positive pregnancy test doubles as a visa. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Red Mafia's national animal is the husky dog, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Red Mafia is ranked 261,171^st in the world and 9,088^th in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring -194.98 on the Scary Big Number Scale.