The Holy Empire of The Telestial is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Canis Starlorn with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, parental licensing program, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 1.438 billion Telestians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Celestial. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Telestian economy, worth 154 trillion dēbeōs a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 107,659 dēbeōs, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 619,828 per year while the poor average 8,962, a ratio of 69.2 to 1.

The government subsidizes those who produce the worst results, murderers and thieves claim divine inspiration to avoid prosecution, bigly crowds of election officials can be spotted at music festivals, and the ruling party has a devil of a time keeping order in the ranks. Crime is a serious problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Telestial's national animal is the Blue Canary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

The Telestial is ranked 219,603^rd in the world and 840^th in The Frontier Sea for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring -3.3 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.