The Seven United Provinces of Tirfyng is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Tirza Hoffmann with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, anti-smoking policies, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 6.675 billion Tirfyngians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hoffnung. The average income tax rate is 68.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tirfyngian economy, worth a remarkable 1,449 trillion guildings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Retail. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 217,174 guildings, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Stranded mountaineers can watch livestreamed footage of their rescues, arthritic surgeons with tremulous fingers reassure patients that they are in safe hands, vital intelligence-gathering activities are put on hold as agents return home for seduction training and advanced poker instruction, and political visitors are forced to stop ten paces from Tirza Hoffmann's throne. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Tirfyng's national animal is the pigeon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Spadism.

Tirfyng is ranked 14,560^th in the world and 6^th in United Nations UN for Lowest Crime Rates, with 94.66 law-abiding acts per hour.