The Directorate of Valkalan is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Director Vikko with an even hand, and notable for its otherworldly petting zoo, vat-grown people, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 35.196 billion Valks are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ravingard. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Valk economy, worth an astonishing 27,995 trillion Syns a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 795,428 Syns, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 4,412,453 per year while the poor average 72,023, a ratio of 61.3 to 1.

The government is constantly producing new maps to accommodate the continual renaming of cities, shooting someone has never been safer, the government tries not to listen to the people unless it absolutely has to, and proper policy proposals prerequire professional peer-reviewed papers. Crime is totally unknown. Valkalan's national animal is the Orca, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways.

Valkalan is ranked 320,591^st in the world and 1^st in Zarathustra for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -96.44 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.