The Eternal Misfortune of Xynlandia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by some random guy with an iron fist, and renowned for its state-planned economy, complete lack of public education, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 25.156 billion Xynlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order also on the agenda, while Education and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of XXXX. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Xynlandian economy, worth an astonishing 19,408 trillion Xyniums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 771,544 Xyniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas, vacationing Xynlandians expect to be treated as royalty, a baby's first breath is also a baby's first felony, and the nation's soldiers sleep four to a bed in order to use space economically. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Xynlandia's national animal is the Xylophone, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the best religion.

Xynlandia is ranked 172,555^th in the world and 11^th in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Most Developed, scoring 54.07 on the Human Development Index.