The Conservative States of Salemus is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Mark Lafond with an even hand, and remarkable for its aversion to nipples, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, democratic, devout population of 2.645 billion Salemusians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of District of Salemus. The average income tax rate is 62.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Salemusian economy, worth 193 trillion Shillings a year, is quite specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 73,128 Shillings, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

The best way to be heard in politics is to speak softly and carry a big comedy prop, history textbook pages are used as impromptu tissues by distraught students, victims of crime are viewed as less trustworthy than politicians, and children are sent to either religious or secular schools. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Salemus's national animal is the Kakapo, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Salemus is ranked 248,496^th in the world and 3,549^th in the Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 45.7 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.