The South PacificBoard

Okay, was not expecting to be talking about my emotions here. If anything, I thought I'd be talking about them in the PAFF where swearing is unrestricted. But here I am. Anyways, I don't know when I started bottling up my emotions, but I remember a moment that let me realise it was a long time ago. I was in Primary school, can't remember the year I was in, and my siblings and I had done something to make our mother furious. She was so angry she told us to shut up when we were sobbing. I just held my breath for long intervals, allowing a small breath every so often. I don't resent my mother for that, we did deserve it, and it does show she cares. At that moment, I, sorta just, trained myself to stay silent and take whatever punishment I deserve. Everyday, someone does something that ticks me off, and I wave it away, keeping the anger inside instead of blowing things out of proportion. It just builds up though, and ends with me snapping at something absolutely trivial. I don't want that to happen, so I try to containing things even more, which causes a cycle. Things just add to my overall rage, which I keep locked up in what I call "The Box", where I store my anger, and lately, all emotions in public, so I don't make a fool of myself. I keep so many thoughts in that thing, it sometimes feels like it's going to burst and I'll make a fool of myself and my family. I don't want that to happen, and so yet another cycle is created. I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm just gonna let the emotions out here and hope it works. So yeah, sorry you had to read that.