The Protectorate of Cards of Eagles 7 is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Defenders with an iron fist, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, compulsory military service, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 12.667 billion Cards of Eagles 7ians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Defenderville. The average income tax rate is 29.2%.

The Cards of Eagles 7ian economy, worth 605 trillion rubles a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Gambling, Arms Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is notable. Average income is 47,766 rubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

The fattest folk in Cards of Eagles 7 look to be the happiest ones, the Department of Health is snowed under by requests for crisper ciabatta and tenderer tagliatelle, society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy, and the water doesn't come out of the faucet with the same rush that it used to. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cards of Eagles 7's national animal is the elephant, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Defenderism.

Cards of Eagles 7 is ranked 254,999^th in the world and 3^rd in The Realm of Aussies for Fattest Citizens, with 7.23 Obesity Rate.