The Dictatorship of Cetaphil is a massive, orderly nation, remarkable for its frequent executions, ban on automobiles, and otherworldly petting zoo. The compassionate, cynical population of 2.467 billion Cetaphilians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Moisture City. The average income tax rate is 96.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Cetaphilian economy, worth 381 trillion lotions a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 154,556 lotions, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees, any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property, weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them, and exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cetaphil's national animal is the Cerave, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cetaphil is ranked 228,895^th in the world and 8,643^rd in Lazarus for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -3.54 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.