The Patroonship of Kinderhook is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by The Patroon with an iron fist, and notable for its disturbing lack of elderly people, pith helmet sales, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The cynical, devout population of 3.011 billion Kinderhookians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Route Nineville. The average income tax rate is 57.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Kinderhookian economy, worth 312 trillion Van Burens a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Tourism, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 103,669 Van Burens, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain, the air force's greatness is based on how many enemies are made during procurement, Tetris has been banned for its graphic violent content, and smoking is banned in public areas. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kinderhook's national animal is the Beaver.

Kinderhook is ranked 53,803^rd in the world and 3^rd in Upstate for Safest, scoring 102.06 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.