The Confederated Communes of Tessellane is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by The Grand Loom with an even hand, and notable for its compulsory military service, vat-grown people, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate population of 1.451 billion Tessars are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social and economic equality; they tend to view other countries as corrupted by the hollow pageantry of sham elections.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 95.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Tessellanean economy, worth 213 trillion Knits a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 146,931 Knits, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle", the "feminist protest" defence is increasingly common for cases of armed robbery, strategic bombers are being converted into preschools, and all telephone traffic is monitored for 'national security reasons'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Tessellane's national animal is the Silvertail Weaver, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Atheism.

Tessellane is ranked 4,590^th in the world and 107^th in The Leftist Assembly for Nicest Citizens, with 48.27 average smiles per day.