The Republic of Ump99 is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its infamous sell-swords, free-roaming dinosaurs, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.464 billion Ump99ians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 69.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Ump99ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,400 trillion rubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 216,700 rubles, with the richest citizens earning 8.3 times as much as the poorest.

Doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion, military parades quietly tiptoe their way through the streets, the government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen, and fans doing the wave routinely disrupt the finals of Go tournaments. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ump99's national animal is the lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Ump99 is ranked 13,690^th in the world and 956^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 95.65 law-abiding acts per hour.