The State of Cockburn is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by the Governor with an iron fist, and remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, zero percent divorce rate, and compulsory military service. The hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 33.256 billion Cockburnians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Education, and Law & Order are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Capital Heights. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 34.4%.

The all-consuming Cockburnian economy, worth a remarkable 2,537 trillion betales a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Automobile Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is notable. Average income is 76,302 betales, with the richest citizens earning 7.9 times as much as the poorest.

Invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie, The Governor has just been declared ruler of Cockburn in an international press conference, being able to unblock a u-bend pipe is considered a universally essential skill, and the nation's laws on image rights are amongst the strictest in the world. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cockburn's national animal is the deer, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Cockburn is ranked 123,057^th in the world and 1^st in Cockburn for Most Cultured, scoring 64 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.