The Kingdom of Goldvarnia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by King Amrous with an even hand, and notable for its daily referendums, state-planned economy, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed population of 26.027 billion Goldvarnians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Barnlökstad. The average income tax rate is 98.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Goldvarnian economy, worth a remarkable 6,226 trillion Kronor a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 239,217 Kronor, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens know never to accept cookies from strangers, guide dogs for the blind have been seen using government websites, populations of two-headed Bears have been found around recently-uncovered archaeological sites, and it takes several hours to shuffle the national deck. Crime is totally unknown. Goldvarnia's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Goldvarnia is ranked 300,050^th in the world and 40^th in Scandinavia for Fattest Citizens, with 4.54 Obesity Rate.