The Colony of Lochan Key is a mammoth, safe nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, infamous sell-swords, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-working, cynical, devout population of 7.904 billion Lochan Keymen are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, moralistic government prioritizes Spirituality, with Welfare, Defense, and Law & Order also on the agenda. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.7%.

The strong Lochan Key economy, worth 529 trillion saars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Automobile Manufacturing, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 66,993 saars, with the richest citizens earning 5.9 times as much as the poorest.

Tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests, looting and pillaging are now considered vital intelligence-gathering activities, Harry Potter books are banned, and citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Lochan Key's national animal is the sea slug.

Lochan Key is ranked 58,332^nd in the world and 4^th in Seaplane Base for Fattest Citizens, with 13.14 Obesity Rate.