The Most Serene Eternal Republic of Calistan is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Da Big Kahuna with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, humorless population of 26.418 billion Caliwogs are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Healthcare, Environment, and Industry also on the agenda, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Astro City. The average income tax rate is 75.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Cali economy, worth a remarkable 2,728 trillion Takoes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 103,288 Takoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, childhood friends of Da Big Kahuna are living it large abroad at the taxpayers' expense, most towns have their Da Big Kahuna High School located on Da Big Kahuna Street, and weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them. Crime is totally unknown. Calistan's national animal is the Kiwi, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kahunaism.

Calistan is ranked 289,203^rd in the world and 5,422^nd in the South Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -22.44 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.