The People's Republic of Kalionistan is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Chief Comrade with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, irreverence towards religion, and suspicion of poets. The compassionate population of 10.015 billion Kalionistanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Neo Moscow. The average income tax rate is 80.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Kalionistanian economy, worth 613 trillion yuan a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming and Cheese Exports. Average income is 61,246 yuan, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms, ignorance is considered a politically desirable quality, all the playground's a stage for Kalionistanian schoolchildren, and elected officials often serve for decades in a single term. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kalionistan's national animal is the unicorn, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Kalionistan is ranked 256,917^th in the world and 8,930^th in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -176.49 on the Scary Big Number Scale.