The Eminent Bakery of Crumpetopia is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by HC Gabriel Lancaster with an iron fist, and renowned for its complete lack of prisons, sprawling nuclear power plants, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 8.528 billion Crumpetopians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New London. The average income tax rate is 99.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Crumpetopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,400 trillion Crumpets a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 398,758 Crumpets, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Therapists can always squeeze in another house-call, there's never enough space in space, golden statues of Eternal Angloes line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District, and preservative manufacturers are told to put a lid on it. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crumpetopia's national animal is the Eternal Anglo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church of the Baker.

Crumpetopia is ranked 1,221^st in the world and 9^th in Fifth Empire for Highest Average Incomes, with 398,758.12 Standard Monetary Units.