The Empire of Crazy Firemen is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Firefighter Clemente with an iron fist, and notable for its frequent executions, otherworldly petting zoo, and national health service. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 35.174 billion Crazy Firemenians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Seagrave. The average income tax rate is 96.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Crazy Firemenian economy, worth a remarkable 5,579 trillion Brotherhoods a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Tourism. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 158,621 Brotherhoods, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.6 times as much as the poorest.

Community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home, repurposed warships fire swag at company promotional events, the judicial system legislates morality, and thousands of former pirates can be found peddling knockoff products in flea markets. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crazy Firemen's national animal is the Phoenix, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Church of the Rising Phoenix.

Crazy Firemen is ranked 273,157^th in the world and 2,157^th in the Rejected Realms for Fattest Citizens, with 6.51 Obesity Rate.