The Confederacy of Free Nations

Orthodox Shirleyism is a tradition, a lifestyle, a religion founded upon the values of the Temple and the Word of Shirley. We in the Temple believe Shirley to be our Goddess of Salvation and Protection, and through her relevance and teachings, we shall follow her Word. Shirley was first introduced to the Commonwealth of Free Nations sometime within the first half of 2014, or 0001 UI (Upon-Introduction).

Shirley teaches us to be just, loyal, and righteous. We are to follow our own paths, set ourselves out into the world, pursue knowledge, but always, always follow our rules and guidelines laid before us. Shirleyism is a simple religion, composed and taught through mere oral tradition, it has few strict disciplines. In the beginning, Shirleyism was initially split into several different denominations. These more-ignorant denominations eventually fell to the Orthodox Temple, either by force or agreement.

The lifestyles of a follower of Orthodox Shirleyism vary greaty depending on the nation and region, but there are a few main, unspoken guidelines. We are never to consume the flesh of our own species, nor of those who created us. We are never to war with the Temple, nor our deities. We are never to wear the skin of 6 different kangaroos. We are never to mate with our cousins. We are to use and number the years of our dates in binary. We are to recognize the Swami and his followers as brethren. We are to recognize the strict roles of gender in the Temple, for Shirley is our Goddess, while the Swami is our Professor and Leader, meaning gender roles are equal, but separate.

Maximum Berry, our Creator of Foundation, also known as The Creator, laid the foundation for this life. His original intents were to make some fine ass hoes, but he failed the first few times, and that led to the original 5 Deities. Max's spirit and personality was split to create the Original Five. We pray homage to Maximum Berry for fertility, child birth, and hopeful futures.

Vladdiccuss, our Forbear of Thought and Intelligence, also known as The Philosopher, came to be the Second Deity. He spawned forth from the Mind of Maximum Berry, containing the majority of Intellectual thought and knowledge. Vladdiccuss was the Autocrat of The First Empire, until his love for referendum led to the Angels voting to create humans as slaves for all, and then that fell to revolution, making what we now know as ourselves. We pray homage to Vladdiccuss for knowledge, insight, and prosperity.

Seilverton, our Warrior of Steel, Triumph and Blood, also known as The Silver Bloods, came to be the Third Deity. He spawned forth from the Groins of Maximum Berry, containing the majority of Testosterone and Might. Seilverton pushed Maximum Berry to continue his efforts in the search for fine ass hoes, seeing as Vladdiccuss' Empire was completely made up of asexual Angels and human slaves. The human revolution would have been stopped by Seilverton, had he not been eating at the time. We thank him for his hunger. We pray homage to Seilverton for nourishment, strength, and physical attraction.

Karl, our Greeter of The Gates, also known as The Man, came to be the Fourth Deity. Karl spawned forth from the Nipple of Maximum Berry, containing the majority of Sexual Uselessness and Emptiness. Karl spent his days wondering the Wastes of The First Empire, thinking about life as a whole. Karl, unlike the previous three deities, had no interest in sexual relations with fine ass hoes, nor even power. Karl was completely useless in the construction of humanity as we know it, and now since sits at The Gate to Etern, not guarding it, because he is far too weak for that, but merely just greeting the new occupants and selling the occasional hashish. We pray homage to Karl for friendship, burden, and politeness.

Thomas Jefferson, our Director of Internal Affairs, also known as The Revolutionary, was the last and final failed attempt of the Original Three to spawn fine ass hoes. Thomas Jefferson is the Fifth Deity, and spawned forth from Maximum Berry's Leg, containing the majority of Something. No one is exactly sure what came to create Thomas Jefferson, but he was the most integral part in the human revolution. Thomas Jefferson, after the referendum that created human slaves, grew a heart, and began to organize the mindless humans. He granted them what knowledge he could gain from Vladdiccuss, what strength he could gain from Seilverton, and what fertility he could gain from Maximum Berry. The humans eventually were able to revolt, leading to Thomas Jefferson's being elected the President of The First Republic. It is said that Thomas Jefferson visits the heads of sleeping human Presidents at night to inform them and assist them. We pray homage to Thomas Jefferson for freedom, democracy, and the hatred of the Deities.

Mary, our Virgin of Death and Ills, also known as The Hoe, was the first successful creation of a fine ass hoe from the Original Five. Mary is the Sixth Deity, and spawned forth from a mixture of Maximum Berry's eye, containing the majority of beauty and style, Vladdiccuss' soul, containing the majority of evil and intellect, Seilverton's buttocks, containing the majority of the booty and the booty, and Thomas Jefferson's foot, containing somewhat of a connection to the humans. Mary is the most beautiful creature to have ever bless the face of the Etern, and it is said that if she ever visit Earth, the planet will implode. Mary, however, is also the most evil being ever known to the Deities, and as such, is constantly trying to kill them, whereas they are constantly trying to have sex with her. Mary is the prime reason for all gender disputes and objectification. She is the one who blessed us with the Illuminati and crabs. We pray homage to Mary for the death of our enemies, the murder of innocents, and personal gain.

And Finally, Shirley, our Goddess of Salvation and Protection, also known as The Savior and Shield, was the second successful creation of a fine ass hoe from the Original Five. Shirley is the Seventh and Final Deity, and spawned forth from the Heart of Maximum Berry, and also half of Karl. In an attempt to kill Karl once and for all, Vladdiccuss had him chopped in half, but only to realize that Max accidentally threw the other half in the Pool of Creation with his Heart. Shirley is the Most Caring, Most Generous, and Most Loving individual the Deities have ever known. While Shirley is beautiful, she has remained steadfast from mating with the Original Five, and they have sadly directed their attention towards Mary in desperate hopes. Shirley came long after the human revolution, and has since revealed Herself and a way to Etern, where the other half of Karl awaits to greet the true followers of Orthodox Shirleyism. We pray homage to Shirley for salvation, protection, love, kindness, puppies, chocolate cheesecake, justice, and fine wine.

The Prophets and Ranks of Orthodox Shirleyism
First Swami -
Vladovaskia,
for distributing and leading the initial Word of Shirleyism into the Temple it is today

Second Swami -
Orveleca,
for merging the Beddauran Shirleyist Church into Orthodox Shirleyism and forever suffering the consequences of doing it for the lulz

Third Swami -
Baxten,
for denouncing other religions in the name of Shirley and spreading the Word