The Incorporated States of Guider is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Edd Lambau with an iron fist, and notable for its parental licensing program, restrictive gun laws, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 3.449 billion Guiderians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nalopole. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.1%.

The powerhouse Guiderian economy, worth 339 trillion Trets a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 98,497 Trets, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 324,803 per year while the poor average 22,357, a ratio of 14.5 to 1.

T-bagging dead Bigtopians merits a medal of honor, the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments, the homeless more often beg for mercy than money, and proprietary charger leads are now a pain for electric cars as well as cellphones. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a capable police force. Guider's national animal is the Squirrel, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Lambauism.

Guider is ranked 315,315^th in the world and 110^th in Conch Kingdom for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -12.65 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.