The Republic of Noristoniaka is a titanic, genial nation, ruled by Ivan Talvenpoigu with an even hand, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, pith helmet sales, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 11.344 billion Karelians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petroskoi. The average income tax rate is 98.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Karelian economy, worth a remarkable 2,452 trillion rublas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 216,157 rublas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Students select colleges based on wi-fi quality, only vaccinated citizens may have free healthcare, there's no cure or sympathy for the common cold, and this year's hottest fashion trend is the Lese Majeste collection. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Noristoniaka's national animal is the eider, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Orthodox Christianity.

Noristoniaka is ranked 2,075^th in the world and 54^th in Europe for Most Cultured, scoring 261 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.