The Protectorate of Decaf Coffee is a large, safe nation, remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, compulsory military service, and complete absence of social welfare. The quiet, industrious population of 128 million Decaf Coffees are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, socially-minded government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Law & Order, and Administration are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare aren't funded at all. The average income tax rate is 44.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Decaffeinated economy, worth 7.01 trillion sugarcubes a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 54,793 sugarcubes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Producers insist that movie stars wear crash helmets in every scene, the government is well known for declaring war on other countries for suspected slights, thieves insist the wind blew that purse into their hands, and Decaf Coffees submit requests for a date in writing with an enclosed RSVP card. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Decaf Coffee's national animal is the weasel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Decaf Coffee is ranked 217,341^st in the world and 2,823^rd in The East Pacific for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -3.22 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.