The Grumpy Retired Man of Merlovich is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Ali MacKillop with an even hand, and renowned for its otherworldly petting zoo, frequent executions, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 5.117 billion Merlovichans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melbourne. The average income tax rate is 81.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Merlovichian economy, worth 762 trillion Merlovichan Dollars a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Retail. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 148,923 Merlovichan Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber, posters on 'Merlovichian Values' advise against being proud of Merlovich, economists have been named Invertebrates of the Year, and high school bands practice by moonlight. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Merlovich's national animal is the Kangaroo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is No Official Religion.

Merlovich is ranked 25,526^th in the world and 773^rd in The East Pacific for Most Beautiful Environments, with 906.68 Pounds Of Wildlife Per Square Mile.