The Socialist Federation of Pantoslavia is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Elysia Rex with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, zero percent divorce rate, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 8.435 billion Pantoslavs are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nasargiel. The average income tax rate is 90.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Pantoslavian economy, worth a remarkable 1,496 trillion Paper Standards a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 177,470 Paper Standards, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government funds large training centres to turn Black Eagles into functioning members of society, children complain that school food is too flavorful, children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia, and caps with skulls on them are the height of fashion. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Pantoslavia's national animal is the Black Eagle and its national religion is The Church Of The Machine God.

Pantoslavia is ranked 266,717^th in the world and 3,831^st in the South Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 60 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.